One thing seems quite evident. We tend not to find things we are not looking for. If we are not looking for God we probably won’t find him. What happens to a lot of us is we don’t want to look stupid. If God is not real we might look stupid. We end up looking for all the information that says God doesn’t exist.
That’s what an atheist does. When we want to believe something bad enough we can convince ourselves it is true. Reality often proves otherwise.